


Leave of Absence

by butterflycell



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-18
Updated: 2012-06-18
Packaged: 2017-11-08 01:39:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/437710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflycell/pseuds/butterflycell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight months is a long time to go without the person you love, without knowing it was going to happen and without knowing when it'll be over. Eight months is a long time to be held in purgatory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave of Absence

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'd, so any missed americanisms or mistakes are entirely my fault - please call me out!

It had been almost eight months.   
  
Eight months since Mike had walked out of Jessica's office with a smile and a hand-shake like they were old friends.   
  
Eight months since Harvey hadn't caught up with him, had been a corridor away as the elevator doors slid closed on smile so soft and gentle he'd felt his chest split open.   
  
*   
  
_Harvey,  
  
I love you. Don't ever forget that or doubt what we are. I'll come back, I'll always come back, but right now, I can't be here...   
_  
*   
  
It had been nine months since Mary Ross hadn't woken up from her afternoon nap. Nine months since Mike had felt something wrong in the room and known that the checkers game they'd started would never get finished.   
  
*   
  
_...I can't wake up and spend another day in a suit. It was leave or cut my wrists open and I don't want to die...  
_  
*   
  
It had been eight months since Harvey had felt his life begin to drain away. The world around him kept turning, kept trying to fuck itself over because there was always money to be stolen and cheated away. Only Donna, and maybe Jessica, knew what he'd lost, but he was still trying to work it out himself.   
  
Two years of being almost deliriously happy with how his life had fallen into place and perhaps the worst of it was that he would wait. No amount of pretty faces in bars, willing bodies and sultry voices would convince him otherwise.   
  
It had been eight months since he tried to tell himself he hated Mike for making him a better person.   
  
*   
  
_...I want to be wherever you are, and nothing is going to change that, but I'd rather be away for a while than watch myself poison you with how I'm feeling right now. You've done more for me in the last month than I thought was possible, but now I need to fix myself. For you..._  
  
*   
  
It had been five months since Harvey had found three new prescriptions in his bathroom. Sleeping pills, uppers and something to combat migraines. It seemed to him that all three were interlinked and that no amount of drugs would fix the problem. The bottles sat full and unopened behind an unopened bottle of lube on the top shelf.   
  
*   
  
_...You'll hate me for a while, and you might never forgive me for leaving like this, but you're all of me, Harvey, and eventually you'll understand.  
  
I love you, and I'll come back to you. _  
  
*   
  
It was grey. The world outside looked hostile and unimpressed. Harvey glanced at his clock and tried to curl back up, get more than an hour's sleep, but it wasn't happening.   
  
His bed was designed for two, and so was Harvey. The days of luxuriating in a sprawl without any objections were distant and uncomfortable. He didn't want them back.   
  
He looked up and out of the windows, seeing New York at his eye level shrouded by low cloud, a gentle drizzle drifting down through the still air. The whole world seemed to be waiting for something – anything – but then Harvey couldn't remember any good days.   
  
They must've happened – eight months meant at least one change in the seasons, but it seemed that summer had passed him by like everything else.   
  
He tugged the sheet off himself and gave up on doing anything but setting his almost automated routine going. Coffee, newspaper, food if he could be bothered. Shower, suit, hair. Call Ray, car to work, early start.   
  
His billables were sky high, had been for months now. He worked longer and harder than he ever had before because it was all he could focus on. There was nothing in his periphery, nothing to distract. He was lethal, his compassion at an all time low. Jessica had insisted on him taking an associate after six months, but he'd burnt two out in a little under five weeks. She hadn't said anything again.   
  
Donna was the only one he softened for. He let her in, spoke to her like the friend and person she was, but seeing the worry and the heartache in her eyes was too much.   
  
She turned up about an hour after he arrived, as he expected. It was a new rhythm for them and it wasn't perfect or ideal, but they made it work. Donna brought coffee for them and left him to his work for the morning. No-one interrupted him except for Jessica dropping a new case on his desk and Rachel coming in to take notes on research he needed.   
  
He liked Rachel. She was sharp, clever and professional. She was the closest thing to an associate he would accept and she was almost exclusively under his purview now, something neither of them were complaining about.   
  
At lunch, Donna dragged him out of his office, as was normal now. They ate quietly, Donna pointedly carrying the conversation so that Harvey had to eat what was in front of him. Then they went back to the office and he took client meetings and worked until she dragged him out again. She poured him into the town car and Ray drove him home.   
  
The drives were the worst parts of his day. Ray had long since stopped playing music and Harvey realised that his record collection had been untouched for... for eight months.   
  
He swallowed hard, looking out of the window sharply. The drizzle had turned to a light rain at some point and it was still coming down. It felt like a resolution of sorts. He sighed as Ray pulled up, rubbing his eyes hard and thanking Ray before getting out. He got a soft reply and a genuine smile before the car pulled away and he was left to go into the building.   
  
He nodded to George, the foyer attendant, and made him way to the standard elevators. He couldn't face his private one anymore, not with the memories that plagued him, not with the way the glass walls seemed to close in and smother him.   
  
The elevator moved quickly, smoothly. He almost didn't feel the tell-tale flip of his stomach or the weight that fell as it came to a stop on his floor. It was only instinct and programming that made him step out when the doors opened.   
  
The was a movement by his door and he looked up. A familiar figure sat on the floor, propped up against the wall with his legs flung out in front of him.   
  
Harvey felt his lungs seize and he stumbled sideways, turning away instantly. He could feel his eyes burning and pressed the heels of his hands deep into them, trying to forget what he'd seen. Seen or imagined?   
  
But then there was a hand on his back and gentle word and his knees gave out, sending him slumping sideways against the wall as he tried to work out how to breathe, how to stop himself from falling apart.   
  
*   
  
_“I'm going to be sorry to see him go.” Jessica said, barely looking up as Harvey walked into her office, unannounced.  
  
“What did he say?” Harvey asked, walking straight up to her desk and trying not to feel the way his heart was thudding in his throat. Jessica frowned at him for a moment.   
  
“He didn't tell you?” She asked cautiously.   
  
“Tell me _ what _?” Harvey snapped. No-one snapped at Jessica, not ever and especially not Harvey.  
  
“Mike just handed me his resignation. Effective immediately.” Jessica replied calmly. Harvey looked away, feeling like a vice was tightening round his chest. It all made sense now, the way Mike had been the night before. He could still feel bruises round his biceps where Mike had clung to him. “Harvey?”   
  
“Sorry for interrupting you.” He said curtly, snapping himself back into form, darting back across the boundary he'd crossed.   
  
Without another word, he was out of the office, calling Ray and in the elevator. He was walking through his front door only fifty minutes after he'd watched Mike leave the office but before he'd even closed the door behind him, he knew he was too late.   
  
He walked through the condo, trying not to notice the patches of emptiness that had long been filled with Mike's crap, the things he'd hauled across town when he'd moved in a year earlier. Everything was as it had been before Mike came stumbling into his world and Harvey felt sick to the stomach.   
  
It was empty and clinical, everything he'd learnt that life wasn't.   
  
He tried to keep himself under control as he walked back to the kitchen, trying not to fall apart, to not surrender entirely to the hopelessness clawing at the edges of him. He glanced around, looking for something familiar and simple to keep his mind occupied when he saw the letter.   
  
It was a sheet of paper from the pad beside the bed, folded in three with his name written in a steady, familiar hand. There was a partial print on the corner, snapshots of words that made no sense where they'd printed off the side of Mike's hand. _  
  
*   
  
The body behind him didn't say anything, but he felt hands, heat, comfort as arms came around him and pulled him close. He felt fingers brush away the tears on his face but he kept his eyes closed. There were no words, but they weren't needed.   
  
He wrapped his arms around Mike and pulled him closer, burying his face in the crook of his neck and feeling Mike do the same. It hurt to be this close to him again, to have him there and real. He felt Mike's breath shuddering against his neck and he pulled himself back, pushing himself away and forcing himself to stand straight.   
  
Mike moved with him, keeping his distance for a moment but his hand drifted across the space between them and Harvey looked up from where he'd been studying the floor. Without a second's thought he took his hand and gripped it hard, finally looking up to meet Mike's eyes.   
  
Eight months suddenly felt like a lifetime and nothing at all. It was him, whole and unbroken, older but not absent, not like before.   
  
Harvey took a breath and pulled him towards the front door, Mike kicking his bag over the threshold. Harvey let go of his hand, closed the door and tried to pull together some semblance of normality, but it eluded him completely. He found himself just standing there, watching Mike as he glanced around the place.   
  
There was a buzzing from the earbuds hanging out of the top of Mike's t-shirt and Harvey stepped forwards, fishing the iPod out of his pocket and turning it off. He guided the the wires free and wrapped them around the device before putting it to one side, one hand resting on Mike's hips without realising.   
  
He'd stepped right into Mike's space, barely two inches separating them. He could feel Mike's hand on his stomach, spreading across the material of his shirt and Harvey curled the fingers of his free hand into Mike's t-shirt, pulling him close and kissing him hard.   
  
He slid his hands round Mike's back, pulling him flush and Mike's arms moved around his neck. Harvey felt like he was drowning, suffocating under the weight of reality crashing back in on him. He clung to Mike, feeling fingers digging into his own neck, weaving into his hair and clinging on.   
  
Harvey turned them and pressed Mike up against the wall, feeling the press of his body and feeling like he had finally, finally come home. He moved his hands down Mike's sides, learning them again, earning himself a low groan from the back of Mike's throat, the kiss getting more desperate, messier.   
  
It was frantic and heartbreaking, every second of his loneliness pouring out of his mouth and into Mike as they stood there, totally absorbed in each other. It was a grim parody of how they used to be.   
  
Mike broke away, gasping for air, panting hard against Harvey's mouth and he held their foreheads pressed together. Harvey stared at Mike's lips, relinquishing his grip on Mike's waist to take his face in his hands, thumbs rubbing along the hinge of his jaw. Mike swallowed as if to speak but Harvey cut him off softly, barely a brush of lips to let him know that it wasn't time, not yet.   
  
Mike nodded, hands moving to clasp Harvey's wrists before kissing him slowly, drawing him back in to safety. Harvey let himself be reclaimed, a hand trailing down Mike's back to grip his waist again. Mike's fingers moved along his hands, his wrists, up his arms and across his shoulders before falling on the knot at his throat. They stayed there for a long moment before Harvey finally, finally decided to start moving them.   
  
Unable to break apart, they half stumbled, half shuffled to Harvey's – _their_ – bedroom. Shoes were discarded along the way, hands moving under jackets and pushing material from shoulder to drop the first shed layers in the doorway.   
  
They moved like it was instinct, slowly, carefully unravelling each layer of protection. Harvey let Mike take his time on the vest and tie, sliding them free only to drop them on the floor. Harvey moved to work the buttons on Mike's plaid shirt, breaking the kiss only to claim his neck, his collar bones, his shoulders as they opened up under the material.   
  
Mike mimicked him, deftly flicking the buttons open and pulling the shirt free of his pants. He caught Harvey's lips in another kiss as he worked his cuffs open, tossing first the cufflinks then the shirt to one side. Harvey heard the muffled _thunks_ of the cufflinks hitting the floor as Mike wound his arms around him, tugging at the bottom of his undershirt until he'd worked it up, baring his waist, his chest.   
  
Harvey let him strip it off, Mike's hands moving straight back to wander his skin, each finger print burning him. It hurt to be this close after all this time, but Harvey couldn't pull away. He shifted on his feet as he ducked his head, his teeth grazing along the bared line of Mike's shoulder again. He managed to toe his socks off, Mike doing the same as fingers traced Harvey's ribs.   
  
His heart was pounding painfully in his chest, his blood rushing and roaring in his head. Mike hands moved down, over his stomach and falling to his belt. He worked it free easily, opening his pants and letting them drop to the floor. Harvey stepped out of them, crowding Mike back against the bed as he pulled open his belt and jeans.   
  
They took a little more effort to remove, but he eventually had them thrown halfway across the room in a pile with Mike's briefs, his own following suit. Mike gripped his hips, drawing them together and Harvey could feel that Mike was just as hard as him. He couldn't help the sigh he let out at the sensation before Mike kissed him hard again, some of the desperation coming back.   
  
Harvey pulled him down onto the bed, Mike hovering above him, hands planted on either side of his head. Harvey kissed him fervently, hands mapping out his chest again, thumbs brushing his nipples and making his breath stutter. He caught hold of his cock and held it loosely, a soft, almost pained noise coming from Mike as Harvey sat up.   
  
Mike was straddling his lap, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, a hand back in his hair and clinging on. Harvey moved a hand around his waist and blindly used the other to find his bedside table and pull the drawer open. There were a few, awkward moments before Harvey found a half empty bottle of lube and shut the drawer again, his full attention back on Mike.   
  
He broke the kiss and pulled back, about to tell Mike to lie down when Mike moved, knelt up and looked at Harvey. Their eyes met properly for the first time and Harvey indulged in the moment, trying to figure out everything and nothing before he moved his hand down, palming the soft curve of Mike's ass.   
  
Mike pressed up against him slightly and Harvey brushed a finger blindly across his hole, making his eyes flutter closed and his head dip. Harvey reached up and tilted Mike's head back up, kissing him slowly as he flicked open the lube and coated his fingers.   
  
He felt Mike's hands cradling his neck as he slid a finger into position, pressing in and feeling Mike pant, his body shuddering. He worked him gently, keeping the kiss soft and safe. He slid a second finger in and Mike's grip on his neck tightened for a moment. He crooked his fingers, playing until Mike was keening slightly, his brows drawn together. A third finger and he was arching hard into Harvey, trying to find some friction, his movements beginning to slip from his control.   
  
Moving a hand, Mike gripped Harvey's arm until he slid his fingers free. He broke the kiss, panting and flushed as he groped for the lube bottle and coated his palm. He move his hand between them, stroking Harvey in half-painful, half-blissful movements that threatened to undo him. Harvey closed his eyes, his head falling back as Mike worked. Then he felt lips at his neck and Mike shifting, pushing him off balance so he had to hold himself up.   
  
He leaned back enough that when he opened his eyes, he could see Mike smiling at him, tracing a finger along his lips before he sank down, taking him fully and Harvey felt his skin set on fire again, his lungs constricting and his breath choking. Harvey re-balanced them, moving one of his arms to wrap around Mike's waist as Mike gripped his shoulders tightly.   
  
Harvey looked at him. He could see Mike panting, struggling with whatever he was feeling and he leaned forwards, kissing him gently once, twice, a third time before he coaxed him back and Mike was devouring him with new fervour, his hips shifting in a tell tale manner that Harvey could still read like a bedtime story.   
  
He moved slowly, keeping each thrust deep and complete. Sweat was beading on both of them, making Mike's back and chest slick and Harvey gripped tightly. Mike's desperation seemed to well up, Harvey's own adding to it until all he could feel was an overwhelming broiling of emotions mixed with the undeniable sensations pooling in his belly and his spine.   
  
Frustration and relief pressed at his heart and his eyes and he didn't know which was driving him. The pressure in every part of him was growing unbearable and he just wanted to keep Mike there in that moment, didn't want to think about anything else. His thrusts sped up, Mike meeting them eagerly as he clung on and Harvey could feel himself reaching the tipping point.   
  
His fingers bit into Mike's hip, the sound of their frantic panting was mixing until Harvey let go of his hip and slid his hand round. He caught hold of Mike's cock and squeezed, trailing his thumb over the tip and pulling a cry from Mike as he threw his head back. Harvey surged forwards and licked his neck, mapping a point before biting down on it and sucking hard, his hand moving in time.   
  
Mike came with another, shuddering cry, holding tightly to Harvey as he clenched and spasmed around him, pulling Harvey's release from him only a few thrusts later. It tore through him more painfully than he'd expected, lighting up every last nerve along its way, but he couldn't quite bring himself to stop.   
  
Mike was still moving against him, slowly, encouraging him to draw every last ounce of sensation. Harvey pressed in deep, Mike making a small noise every time. Harvey kept going until his hips gave out and his stomach protested and they fell still. Mike wrapped himself tighter around him, shaking with exertion.   
  
Harvey struggled to get back his breath, but nudged Mike's cheek with his nose until he turned enough for him to claim his mouth in another kiss. This one was different. It was slow and loving, accepting.   
  
Harvey could taste salt on Mike's lips and he gently eased himself out of him. He kissed him gently as he rebalanced them without displacing Mike from his lap. He reached up to brush away the stray tears on Mike's cheeks with his thumbs.   
  
Mike's breath was still shuddering out of him, but it was evening out gradually. Harvey could feel himself recovering, could feel his mind clearing enough to edge them off the bed and across the room to the en-suite.   
  
The kisses died down, but Harvey couldn't help but continually touch him, trace shapes across Mike's skin, hold him close, letting the shower wash them clean in its own time. Mike held him, his head on Harvey's shoulder as Harvey wound his arms around him, hands flat on his back and fingers splayed possessively.   
  
He shut the water off and they stumbled their way through drying off until they were back in bed, the top sheet stripped away before they curled up under the duvet. Mike wrapped his arms around Harvey and held him close, ducking his head under his chin. Harvey held on tight, their legs tangling together as reality and understanding slowly sank in around them.   
  
Harvey focussed on the sound of Mike's heartbeat, on the rise and fall of his chest and the lazy patterns his fingers traced. He pressed his forehead to Mike's neck and sighed.   
  
“Welcome home.” He said finally, his voice low and gruff through lack of use. Mike's fingers stilled before squeezing gently.   
  
“It's good to be back.” He replied finally, pressing a kiss to the top of Harvey's head. The sound of his voice after all this time ignited something in Harvey's chest.   
  
He didn't remember how long it took, be he eventually drifted off to sleep, surrounded by the sound and smell and feel of his life back in order.   
  
For the first time in eight months, Harvey found himself facing sleep without any fear, knowing for certain that tomorrow would be better; _Mike was home._


End file.
